Sophie's Thoughtful Spot
Each day Sophie sits at the table in the same chair at least 4 times, mainly to eat. It's during these times that she seems to contemplate various things about life on a deeper level than when she's running up and down the hall like a crazy woman.
"Do cats have skeletons?"
"I'm hard because I have a skeleton under my skin and muscles."
"You wouldn't want to make a sandwich with me because you might get a BONE in your sandwich."
Most recently, the topic has turned to death. It first started when we were discussing Sophie's grandparents and she asked where Grandma Berta was. Jake explained that she was dead. Sophie asked how she died and it took us by surprise. Suicide is a tough thing to cover and while we had discussed not making up a story for the girls, we hadn't expected either of them to ask so soon. We settled on "She was very sick." It was a very emotional 30 seconds. Sophie was sad that her Grandma was dead. She was worried that she was going to die as well because she recently came down with a cold. And Jake and I were raw from the sad fact that we had to discuss this with her at all. Since that conversation, Sophie has been concerned with things dying. She realized that when we chase flies around the house with a towel, we are killing them. "Not very good" I think were her exact words. Cats eat mice, Spiders eat flies, we eat fish and cows and pigs. We haven't really held back or disguised any of the facts from her. She expresses sadness but then digs in to her fish and chips.
We also recently rented Charlotte's Web from the library. Sophie has a pretty debilitating fear of spider webs and I was hoping that watching this movie would get her over it. I totally spaced on the end where Charlotte dies. We watched the first half last night and she was enraptured. She was terrified when the farmer was going to kill Wilbur, overjoyed when Fern was singing and swinging with baby Wilbur and heartbroken when Wilbur was sold to Uncle Zuckerman. When we picked up this morning, she was so confused when Charlotte was dying. She wasn't sick and nothing killed her. All the cute babies in the following scenes were distraction enough to keep her from crying. After the show we had a snack. While in her thoughtful spot we had this conversation:
"Ok honey. Sounds good."
"Do cats have skeletons?"
"I'm hard because I have a skeleton under my skin and muscles."
"You wouldn't want to make a sandwich with me because you might get a BONE in your sandwich."
Most recently, the topic has turned to death. It first started when we were discussing Sophie's grandparents and she asked where Grandma Berta was. Jake explained that she was dead. Sophie asked how she died and it took us by surprise. Suicide is a tough thing to cover and while we had discussed not making up a story for the girls, we hadn't expected either of them to ask so soon. We settled on "She was very sick." It was a very emotional 30 seconds. Sophie was sad that her Grandma was dead. She was worried that she was going to die as well because she recently came down with a cold. And Jake and I were raw from the sad fact that we had to discuss this with her at all. Since that conversation, Sophie has been concerned with things dying. She realized that when we chase flies around the house with a towel, we are killing them. "Not very good" I think were her exact words. Cats eat mice, Spiders eat flies, we eat fish and cows and pigs. We haven't really held back or disguised any of the facts from her. She expresses sadness but then digs in to her fish and chips.
We also recently rented Charlotte's Web from the library. Sophie has a pretty debilitating fear of spider webs and I was hoping that watching this movie would get her over it. I totally spaced on the end where Charlotte dies. We watched the first half last night and she was enraptured. She was terrified when the farmer was going to kill Wilbur, overjoyed when Fern was singing and swinging with baby Wilbur and heartbroken when Wilbur was sold to Uncle Zuckerman. When we picked up this morning, she was so confused when Charlotte was dying. She wasn't sick and nothing killed her. All the cute babies in the following scenes were distraction enough to keep her from crying. After the show we had a snack. While in her thoughtful spot we had this conversation:
Sophie: "Mom, why did Charlotte die?"I just couldn't let it go on any longer because I didn't want to get to the realization that Sophie will have to see some of her loved ones die. Mainly I couldn't stand the fact that Jake and I will die before Sophie (Please God) and I was closer to that conversation than I would have liked. This seemed to satisfy her thoughts on the subject and she went back to eating her salami, cheese and crackers. Then she looked up at me and said, "When Dad gets home, I'm going to tell him that I am going to DIE."
Me: "Because she was old honey. Spiders don't live very long."
Sophie: "I'm old Mom, maybe I am going to die."
Me: "No honey, you aren't very old. You won't die until you are really old."
Sophie: "I don't want to die Mom."
Me: "Well (conjure up James Earl Jones here as Mufasa during the circle of life talk), everyone dies honey. Just like everyone has to be born, everyone has to die. But remember, Charlotte had all of her babies so more spiders could live."
Sophie: "But what if they all die? Then there won't be any spiders left."
Me: "Some of them will grow up to have their own babies. Just like Grandma Roberta had daddy. He was her baby and even though she died, Daddy is still alive and he grew up and had you and if you want someday, you can have a baby."
Sophie: "Mom! Grandma Mary is old. Maybe she is dying right now!"
Me: "She's not dying, I just talked to Grandpa Joe yesterday. But she will die someday."
Sophie: "And Grandma Sue will die too?"
Me: "Yes, Grandma Sue will die someday too."
Sophie: "But not until after me right?"
Me: "Well.... sure."
"Ok honey. Sounds good."
ha! i'd like to say those conversations dissipate, but we had one again tonight, in fact. i found a dead squirrel in our yard so i, too, brought up mufasa and the circle of life. lily goes through "death" phases. they usually pick up around easter. i attribute that to the fact that they talk about jesus and the cross at school. she's also very concerned about her bones and skeleton. always asks how our dogs that have died can play in heaven without their bones. could you imagine the two of them together having this conversation? it'd be like two old ladies comparing their ailments.
Nicholas also brings up the subject way more than I like to talk about it. Every time he sees a helicopter he thinks somebody got killed in a car accident. That is way easier to explain than the questions Sophie is bringing up. YIKES these are deep thoughts from young kids....
Hey guys! I just got a "checking-in" e-mail from Jake, so I though I would finally check out your site again since you did the big move. So glad I did. That Sophie is one deep thinker! :)
When Joey began asking questions like that, Eastern-influenced philosophies like the "circle of life" just didn't seem to cut it for us. I decided to give Christianity another try when I was almost 30. I though it was pretty stupid and even "mean" during most of my teens and 20s. I think my experiences with other so-called Christians might have influenced that. I'm guessing you guys have similar views and experiences? I was very skeptical myself, but the more I came to know the Author and Perfector of my faith, the more I came to know Him as the The Truth, The Way, and The Life (speaking of matters of life and death).
Dawn is right. Those conversations don't dissipate, nor should they. God speaks to us through our children at times. Jesus even said that He wants us to have faith like a "little child," meaning having the trust of a child, but not a child's understanding. I won't use this blog to proseletyze any further, but if you have any questions, please e-mail me. :)
Wow, that was beautifully written, Brandie. How great will it be years from now for the girls to read stories like that about their childhood?
We've had many a death question from Zoe and Haley, as well; usually right at bedtime, when I'm just trying to make it to lights out so I can turn my brain off, not have a heartfelt, philosophical dialogue about one of life's greatest mysteries. Ah, the joys of parenting...
To bring two posts together here, Sophie was sitting in her thoughtful spot yesterday and asked "Is Darth Vader old?" to which I answered "yes". "I don't want him to die!"
Oh man.
better save return of the jedi for a few years!! hope i didn't spoil that for anyone ; )
Yeah, I am kind of sad that Sophie actually knows who Luke's father is before seeing any of the movies because it's not going to be as poignant. But maybe something cool I don't even know about yet will come out between now and then and blow Star Wars out of the water.