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June 11, 2005
Not How I Imagined It
Each day I wake up hoping to strike the perfect balance between being a mom, a wife, a game producer and a friend. Each night I fall asleep feeling as if I haven't spent enough time with my baby, I didn't have time to do all I wanted at work, I've blown my husbands feelings off because I just don't have time for them, and I kick myself for forgetting yet another friends birthday/important doctors appointment/child’s' birthday. While this type of day happens more often than I'd like, there are days where I feel as if I have excelled in one of these areas.
To be honest, I never thought I would want to continue working after having a baby. I always dreamed of being a stay at home mom, taking my baby to the park and making dinners for my hard working husband. There is something very satisfying to me about providing on the home front level. Making nice meals, educating your child and cleaning the house all make you feel as if you have created a safe, solid foundation for your family.
I went back to work full time just to try it out and found that I really enjoy having another area in my life to focus and make accomplishments. However, lately, I have been feeling like I am stretching myself too thin. I haven't been working the 7 day weeks that my coworkers have, but I wouldn't want to. I don't want to sacrifice the time I have with Sophia to be at work, but I don't want to be left out at work because I don't do what the rest of the team does.
Maybe all I can do is keep trying every day to be the best I can in all my roles without killing myself with guilt. I just want to be the wonderful mom I thought I'd be but I didn't plan on juggling all of these other things. Those were just supposed to work them selves out by the time I was "grown up". :)
Posted by Brandie at June 11, 2005 9:02 PM
Comments
Wow. That really sums up how Erin & I feel about life in the bay area in the "aughts." It's a hell of a post. Nearly got me weeping.
Course, I'll weep at anything. ;)
Posted by: Jonesy at June 15, 2005 11:35 AM
Wow, well written! It rang true for me too. Hang in there, supermom!
Posted by: Erin Jones at June 16, 2005 10:26 AM